Mira’s Story

Anonymous

    My name is Mira and I have decided to publish this story because at one time I was a victim of abuse. I understand that this sort of manipulation is very common, and that other girls might be or have been the victim of someone manipulative and conniving, as I was. I am publishing this to make people aware that they do not have to be a victim to someone else's manipulation. I was naive and vulnerable, but I have learned that it was not my fault. I was finally able to speak out about my abuser, and won in a civil trial. It was a great moment, knowing I had been heard, finally. I am now 20 years old; stronger and more mature. I hope that my story will increase awareness and encourage people not to be afraid to expose their abuser and speak out. In publishing this I hope to make people aware that they are not alone and it is not their fault. I encourage anyone who is suffering to have courage to stop the abuse. If you know someone who is being abused, talk to them and encourage them to step out. I did, and though it was a struggle, it was the best decision that I could have made.

    I met Ron at the Karate studio where I had studied for two years.  When we met, I was thirteen years old and in eighth grade. I later started working for Ron, doing office work for him at his home, and accepting rides from him to and from the Karate studio. I liked Ron and trusted him. I even looked up to him as a father figure. You see, my father passed away when I was only seven years old, and my mother did not remarry or date anyone at that time. So Ron was the first male figure in my life after my dad passed away. He slowly gained my trust in him and used that trust to his advantage. He took away my innocence, my dignity, and my self-respect.

    Ron used our times alone together to manipulate and eventually brainwash me. One incident, which is burned in my memory, happened one night after Ron drove me home from Karate. That night Ron tickled me and told me to tickle him. When I tickled his stomach, I felt his erect penis against his stomach. I quickly pulled my hand away, stunned. Then he said, "Let's play a game. Let's see who can find the other's ticklish spot first." I went along with it, but quickly laughed so the game would end. I was confused that night and did not know what to think about what had happened. I kept wondering if his penis being there was normal, but I did not have the answer.

    One afternoon after swimming, Ron assured me that it was normal. He said, "Let's quickly jump in the shower and rinse off." So we went in the shower together with our bathing suits on. I looked down and saw that he had an erection. He noticed me looking and said, "Oh, don't worry about that. It just happens. I can't help it." Being so naive and having so much trust in him, I believed him.

    Another part of his manipulation involved teaching me how to give back and hand massages. As time went on, he started rubbing my thighs in the car, and ever so slowly conditioned me to let him go a little further up my leg. On several occasions I knew something strange and wrong was happening, but he kept reminding me that he was doing this for me, showing me something that feels good, and that we were close enough now where he could share these things with me. He told me afterward that what we did was private and between the two of us. He told me that I could not tell anyone, not even my friends. I listened to him because I did not want to disappoint him.

    One day, Ron took me to a vacant parking lot and parked next to a bunch of trees and bushes. I don't remember what led up to this, but he exposed himself. He said, "Don't worry. It doesn't bite. Just pretend you're licking a popsicle." He then grabbed my head and pushed it down toward his penis. He showed me what to do, telling me that when I felt his semen come out to hold it in my mouth and go spit it out into the bushes. That's exactly what I did. He explained to me that he was teaching me this because I needed to know these kind of things for high school, that I needed to know how to perform it on boys in high school because they liked girls who knew how to do this. He also told me not to keep a diary about this. Again, I listened to him. It was then that I noticed that his pubic hair was really short. I don't remember when exactly I asked him about it, but when I did he said, "I clip my pubic hair because girls don't like hair in their mouths."

    The worst day of my life came after a few months of this. We were working together one Saturday, when Karen, his girlfriend, was away at Magic Mountain and during our break he said he wanted to teach me more about massages and give me a full body massage. I wasn't nervous about the idea until he said, "We shouldn't do it here because if Karen comes home early and catches us, she's gonna start a big fight. You know how jealous she gets. So, I thought maybe we could go to this hotel nearby, that way we can relax and not worry about her." I was hesitant at first but I told myself that if he tried to have sex with me I would tell him no and he would leave me alone. It is very hard for me to write this let alone take myself back to that day but I ended up going to the hotel with him. Once there, he turned his back to me and when he turned back around he had a condom on. I told him no but he just kept saying, "Don't worry, I won't hurt you. I'm older and I know what I'm doing. You wouldn't want your first time to happen in high school with some young boy who doesn't know what he's doing and who is going to hurt you and make fun of you afterwards for being a virgin." I pretty much laid there and let it happen. I tried not to think about it. After these incidences, doing sexual favors for Ron became a routine. We would go to Karate together and after class he would take me to that same parking lot and there he would touch me and I would orally copulate him. During this time I liked the attention he gave me and I trusted him. About six months after the incident at the hotel, every time Ron touched me I would start crying. I told him I didn't want him to touch me anymore. I told him that I would orally copulate him as long as he didn't touch me. About a month after that, I found myself alone with him at his office. Karen left shortly after I got there to fly to Chicago. My heart dropped because I knew what was coming. Ron would want to fool around and have sex. I told him that I didn't want to but he said that if I just gave him this day, he would never ask me to do anything sexual ever again. I thought to myself that one more day wouldn’t kill me to make him agree to never touch me again, so I went along with it. I tried not to think about it.

    Soon after that I stopped working for Ron. I was still keeping everything that happened to me a secret. Ron had convinced me that it was my fault. He told me, "If you hadn't touched me that one time we were tickling each other, I probably wouldn't have started touching you." One day when I was upset with him I said, "I could ruin your life just by saying three words: Ron raped me." He just laughed and said, "Go ahead, I'll just get away with it. No one will believe you." Those words were seared in my brain and still are today because he almost did get away with it.

    When the abuse was going on,  I felt that all I was good for was sex. Ron told me that that's all that happens when you have a boyfriend, and that no guy would like me if I didn't know how to have sex or give blow jobs. A nice guy in my music class liked me, but I wasn't interested in him. Well, eventually we started hanging out and I started liking him. Then we started dating. We became really close and I thought it was weird that he wasn't doing anything sexual with me. That's when I started questioning who was right. Was he right or was Ron right? I then started realizing that my boyfriend was right and that Ron manipulated me and used me to get sexual favors from me. When that hit me, I felt like dirt. I felt so violated and dirty. My self-esteem and my self-worth went down the drain. I was really depressed. I had to hide it though because I didn't want anybody to know that I was depressed, let alone that I had done sexual things with an older man. I felt so ashamed of myself and guilty. I thought that it was my fault and I should have known better or done something about it. I finally gathered the strength to do something about it. It wasn't easy though. I wanted to tell my mom but I was afraid that she would be upset and ashamed of me. I decided to let her know by writing "What would your life be like if you were raped by a 35 year old?" on my mirror closet at 12 midnight, leaving the light on and running away. That's what I did, but I also took a bottle of pills to kill myself. I changed my mind when I saw the fire station down the street. I thought to myself, "I could walk until I pass out and die and he lives, or I could report him so he never can do this again." I decided to report him.

    After I reported him to the police the detective came to my house to record some setup conversations with Ron. I didn’t think it would work. As soon as Ron heard the word "sex" he hung up on me and continued to avoid my calls. I wanted to get wired and go talk to him but the detective said that she couldn't put me in that kind of a situation. I told her that Ron clipped his pubic hair but she said that it wasn't a big deal because a lot of guys do that, so it could not be used as evidence. Due to unprofessional and unethical protocol, we had the detective fired and got a new one appointed to our case. He got a warrant for Ron's arrest and a warrant to take a picture of Ron's pubic area. His pubic area was clipped just like I had described it. Later, this would be used as evidence. A preliminary hearing took place and I was put on the stand and questioned by the District Attorney and Ron's attorney, Robert Shapiro, one of O.J. Simpson's attorneys. The judge found enough evidence to go to trial. Well, there was no trial. Ron plea bargained on one account which was unlawful sex with a minor, and the felony charge was dropped to a misdemeanor. So he received only three years formal probation and a few petty rules he needed to follow. I was devastated but it was out of my control. I thought this was the end of it. But it was far from over. Ron started harassing me. So we went to court and got a restraining order.

    At this point I thought that the ordeal was over but I couldn't go on with my life knowing that I wasn't heard, that he got away with what he did to me, that he could do it to someone else, and that I wasn't healing. After talking about this with my therapist, he told me that he knew a really good civil attorney who would take this case. That's when I decided to sue Ron in a civil trial. The first few times in court Ron talked about settling. At first I thought that it would be the best thing, but being cocky and saying he was "innocent," thinking he would once again get away with it, we decided to go to trial.

    When the trial began I was first on the stand, for a total of twelve hours–six hours from each side. I did not expect it to be so intense. So many memories and emotions came up. But just having my chance to speak felt good. Ron was vicious both on the stand and in the courtroom. He was his own worst enemy. He was calm until he was caught in a lie and then his demeanor would become very violent. He also tried to intimidate me and my mother when there were breaks. I just had to ignore him. The trial was so draining but also so good for me. It came to an end after about a month. On a Friday afternoon, after deliberating for about two and a half hours, the jury came to a decision. Hearing "yes" turned that day into the best day of my life. All I could do was cry with tears of joy and relief. Finally I was heard, and justice was finally done. In a civil trial you only need nine out of twelve jurors but all twelve jurors found Ron and his company guilty on all accounts. And eleven jurors found his second company guilty on all accounts. They awarded me $40,000 for economic damages against him and his two companies and $750,000 for non-economic damages, also against him and his two companies. Then they found by clear and convincing evidence that Ron was guilty, so they needed to decide on punitive damages. The jury deliberated again and came back with punitive damages against Ron for 1.6 million dollars. At the end of all of this the jury came out and waited in line to first hug me, then my mother and my cousin. I couldn't find the words to express how grateful I was to them.

    I've taken the time to write this because I know that there are many girls who have been or are currently going through the same abuse and I want them to know that they are not alone. There are many things that can be done to stop abusers like Ron. One of the hardest things to do is to speak up and stop the abuse. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but it was the best decision I have made in my life so far. I'm at point in my life right now where can say that I've never been happier. I feel so much stronger for having confronted Ron. I've grown and taken something good out of a very bad experience and can hopefully help others.