I grew up in a religious family, where the word
sex was never mentioned. I was constantly chaperoned
by my older brother, so I wouldn't talk to boys.
That left me very lonely and sexually repressed.
I was raised thinking that God saw everything,
and that he was everywhere, and that on judgment
day everyone was going to see everything I had
ever done, and everything I had thought in my
entire life. Because of this, I was scared of
masturbating. Premarital sex was out of the question.
As I entered puberty I became sexually frustrated.
I wanted to explore my body, but I couldn't, because
I thought God would be watching. I started rebelling
at this time. I was allowed very little freedom,
and I started questioning the existence of God.
When I realized it was possible that God might
not exist, I started changing my behavior. I came
to the conclusion that there was probably nobody
watching me, and I decided to explore my body.
When I started exploring my body, I noticed that
touching my clitoris stimulated me! I thought
that there was something wrong with me, because
I wasn't stimulated by vaginal penetration. I
later found out in my Human Sexuality class that
most women masturbate by clitoral stimulation,
not by inserting their fingers or objects into
their vaginas. I also learned that women are more
likely to achieve orgasms through masturbation
than they are during sexual intercourse. Interestingly
enough, I discovered that the clitoris "is
the only sex organ whose only known function is
the experiencing of pleasure"(Rathus et.
al. 69). The penis and clitoris both develop the
same embryonic tissue, which makes them similar
in structure, but not in function (Rathus et.
al. 69). The penis, like the clitoris, is sexually
stimulated. Yet, unlike the clitoris, the penis
is "directly involved with reproduction and
excretion by serving as a conduit for sperm and
urine, respectively" (Rathus et. al. 69).
I thought there was something wrong with me because
I masturbated and stimulated my clitoris. In fact,
there is nothing wrong with me.
Growing up in such a sheltered home did not protect
me from myself. To extremely conservative, religious
people, there is something wrong with me for indulging
in my nature. To other people, I am a normal human,
doing normal human things and I have the guts
to share it. I am not scared or ashamed of myself.
"Human Sexuality in a World of Diversity"
by Spencer A Rathus, Jeffrey S Nevid, and Lois